I was recently labeled as a homophobic, and diagnosed with internalized homophobia. This happened during a recent conversation with a colleague that works as an activist for the gay community. The conversation was centered in the terrific work being done by the actors who play the two gay characters in HBO's Six Feet Under. My colleague and I both agreed in how the sharp contrast between the personalities of the two characters has helped draw attention and give character to the series. Then we drifted a little bit and I said how I identified more with the actor playing the straight acting gay character; and how I, as a gay man, am turned on more by gay guys that are similar to him: masculine. His immediate response to this statement was "that's because you are a homophobic, and you can't stand feminine guys, because you suffer from internalized homophobia".

I was appalled by such statement.

Speechless I looked at him. Then he asked me "would you wear a wig?". "No" was my reply, "I don't identify with my feminine side, I identify more with my masculine side, but that doesn't mean I am homophobic".

"Well you are, and you should do something about it because you have issues".

Wow, judged, labeled and diagnosed in less than five seconds.

That's not the first time I fall victim of the imaginary issues of activists from the gay community. Several months ago I went to a friend's house for brunch. Just like myself the rest of the attendees were all involved in one way or another in the gay activist community. We touched a lot of topics during the conversation before we got to talk about the men we liked. Each of us talked about men we like and don't like and why. Then it was my turn.

"I like men that are masculine, unpretentious, intelligent and witty; and physically I am attracted to men that resemble the guys I had my first gay relationships with: either the brown skin Latinos, with dark eyes or white guys with black hair and dark eyes. You know, because back then when I went to school all the guys around me where either the typical Latino or the sons from Spanish and Portuguese immigrants. So, I don't know, that's what makes me feel good and comfortable."

OUTgroups.com Poll: Are you primarily attracted to men of a specific race or ethnicity?

Someone from the crowd quickly asked me if I liked black men.

"I had a boyfriend that was black, back in Venezuela; and here in the U. S. I have been with a few; but I don't find myself particularly attracted to black men. I have a lot of friends that are black, but I don't feel sexually attracted to them".

"Racist".

That was the word that came out of the mouth of the same guy who asked me if I liked black men.

I was appalled back then too.

I quickly proceeded to disclose my heritage: half Dutch and half Latino, and the Latino part is half native Venezuelan and half black; so how could I be labeled as a racist? According to this guy I was, and what's more: "I had issues that need to be resolved".

The list of incidents like this is long and elaborate but all of them lead to the same point: gay activist raising their voice to create awareness on issues. The thing is that these issues in particular, the ones I am talking about are more the product of an urgent need to point fingers, put labels and create the issue... than the result of a balanced and rational thinking.

I have noticed that during the past three years, the time I have been involved in one way or another in activism, there seems to be two rules of thumb:

• Better be caught pointing the finger at, than being pointed the finger at.
• Everything is an issue

Maybe as activists we get so caught up raising awareness on so many important things that affects us as gay men and human beings that we end up labeling everything we see as an issue. However, aren't we going too far?

Back in Venezuela, which is where I come from, the gay community had (and still has) the challenge of changing the paradigm and make society more open to accept not only gay men, but also lesbians, bisexuals and transgender people. That is where energy goes, and if a gay guy only likes to hang out and hook up with tall skinny men with two colored eyes and curly orange hair... that's his liking. It does not mean he hates the rest of the color gamut. It's called freedom of choice, which I like to think of as freedom of speech's twin sister.

Back again in the U.S., the questions arising from my observations here are many, but aren't we as activists wasting our time in identifying issues that are not real at all? Should we really be creating issues out of everything? What about people having the right and freedom to choose what they like best and what they feel more comfortable with, without this being an issue for the rest of the gay community?

I agree with the fact that there is homophobia and racism as well as many other real and tangible issues, not only within the gay community, but also outside of it... but aren't our judgments and our activist's hats fueling the finger pointing of issues that are not real? What about the energy being lost in these activities?

I like to think that when I am online and a guy doesn't want to chat with me, is because I am simply not his type; not because he hates white Latinos that shave their heads (these days more because of hair loss than anything else). When I am at a bar and the guy standing in front of me doesn't pay any attention to my flirting efforts, I like to think is more because I am not his type than because he hates me or has issues with the way I dress or look or hold my beer when I drink it. I could always go to him and say something like "hey, I have been looking at you and you refuse to pay any attention, stop being so homophobic and talk to me; or is it that you have issues talking with other gay men? That of course would be creating an issue where there isn't any: it would be the creation of an imaginary issue or an issue for convenience (the convenience to justify his rejection of me by raising an issue that doesn't exist).

Drawing from my past experiences to use them as examples, I have elaborated the following list of questions for you to judge, label and create and issue to your convenience. Hopefully you will notice how senseless it can be to create issues where there isn't any:

• I don't feel sexually attracted to black men, but then again I don't feel sexually attracted to blond men either; what does that make me then? What's the label and the issue arising?
• I don't feel sexually attracted to men bigger than me, but then again I don't feel sexually attracted either to muscled men or skinny men; I like average guys. What does that make me then? What's the label and the issue arising?
• I don't feel attracted to cute or handsome men (you know, the Ken type), I like guys whose face has character: maybe a bigger than average nose or a little scar on the cheek or a gap between the front teeth. What does that make me then? What's the label and the issue arising?
• I am very attracted to facial and body hair, guys that are hairless don't do much for me; what does this make me then? What's the label and the issue arising?

Now, an outside example:

• I have a friend in Washington DC that feels sexually attracted only to Middle Eastern men, what does that make him then? What's the label and the issue arising?

Statistics say there that a baby is born every second in planet earth; I am not statistics expert but I am going to be daring and say that a similar number of issues are born every second in planet gay. The question is: are we willing to save some energy for the real issues?