Some people might assume my job as an HIV prevention counselor is a lot like being a dental hygienist. "Floss! Floss or else your teeth will fall out!"

I have a love/hate relationship with dental hygienists. I love how my teeth feel after getting them cleaned. I love the feeling that I am taking care of myself. What I hate is being stuck in that chair for 50 minutes while being lectured about the virtues of flossing. Fact is, no matter what the hygienist says, I’m not going to floss.

But then a few years ago I got a new hygienist who asked me if I floss, to which I answered in the negative. She said, ok then, and suggested I use Stimudents and Listerine. She said while not as good as flossing, it’s a huge improvement over only brushing. She was right: huge improvement.

What took so long for someone to recommend these products in place of flossing? My previous hygienists were all or nothing. Flossing was the best, and thus, only way to go. In their mind I had to comply.

This is very much like HIV counseling. Some may argue the message should be "Condoms! You need to use condoms or you will die!" Some would say the goal should be to take no risks what so ever, and these things have risk, those things don’t. It’s that simple.

But HIV risk is not so black and white. My experience working at the Red Door Clinic has taught me there are many ways to approach sexual safety.

It must be recognized that risk is a part of living. We take calculated risks all the time: every time we go outside, we assume some risk. Each person must decide for themselves how much risk they are willing to take.

That is how HIV prevention works: we need to decide how much risk we are comfortable with, and how to live it.

How do we make that choice?

First, we need the facts. We all need good, solid information in order to make good choices. An HIV counselor can help gain a clear picture of how much risk we are now taking. Are you practicing safer sex? Are you bare-backing? How safe is oral sex? Am I safe if I’m a top? It is good to know just where you stand using the best information available.

Next, we need to develop strategies to take only the risk we comfortable with. If you want to go from wearing condoms 75% of the time to 100% of the time, an HIV counselor can work with a person to help them develop strategies to get there. If you never use condoms but want to reduce your risk, if you want to know how to talk with partners about safety, if you want to know how to make safer sex more enjoyable thus more desirable, an HIV counselor can help. Use us.

And finally we need to decide how much and to whom we will give our trust. Do you have one-night-stands? Do you have a monogamous relationship? Some would risk their health on the word of someone they just met, while others feel they cannot trust their life-partners. Only you can decide how much you trust those you have sex with, and thus how much risk you are willing to take.

Remember: we can have a healthy, happy sex-life—indeed, we deserve to have one—and prevent HIV and STDs. The key is to develop—in advance, before we are in the clutches— strategies that allow us to take only the risk we are comfortable with.

Life is fraught with risk. Time to learn and think carefully. You are, after all, the person in charge of your health care and the person who has to live with the consequences.

Oh, and be sure to floss.