It started as a routine pen-pal exchange, but became an interesting project in dealing with a transgendered older man who was frustrated by lack of opportunity to express his feminine persona. To preserve the older's anonymity, let's use the name "Jane" - and to respect this individuals self-expression, let's employ female pronouns.

Jane was in her early 70s when I first heard from her. She was proud to be a veteran of World War II. Her adult life had been marked by a strong will and by the courage to dress in women's clothing when she wanted. But now Jane was living in a veterans retirement home, and this put a big damper on her cross-dressing activities. She could write letters about her situation to friends or dress privately in her limited wardrobe late at night - that's all.

Most of her letters to me condemned the world and especially the transgendered community for not caring about her and other elders like her. In my replies, I tried to cheer her up and to suggest activities that she might find pleasure in doing as Jane. I had little success. Although she continued to write, she expressed a most unhappy attitude.

Jane also must have been a bit cantankerous, as she was constantly in trouble with the veterans home administration. At one point she left the home - by mutual agreement, I gathered. She tried living with a much younger transsexual, sharing the cost of an apartment and getting the roomate to drive her around as needed.

The situation lasted for a while, until Jane realized that it was not stable and would eventually end; her roomate had her own life to deal with and could not be a caregiver to an older person. Jane then went to a commercial retirment home in a delightful area, but she still complained. I was able to visit her at this location once. Although it was very clean and charming, Jane felt stifled.

Jane began to have to have some health problems and ultimately ended up in another verterans home. By then, she was approaching 80 and was determined to dress. She began doing so during the day - at first, onlin in her room. The nurses smiled and seemed to go along with it, but the orderlies were apparently snide and cold. Jane wanted to go to lunch and social activities - bingo, movie parties - in her feminine clothes. The situation blew up, and the nursing home administration prohibited her from cross-dressing publicly.

Jane did have one ally in the system: a visiting social worker who understood this phenomenon well enough to know that it had to be dealt with. at one point I talked with this person, who also put me in touch with one of the administrators. We all agreed that Jane must be allowed to express this part of her life; it had been too long suppressed, and she wanted to have her way during her final years.

A Different Feminine Role Almost Every Month

We came up with an approach that would make Jane more presentable: The nurses helped Jane develop "costumes." This was great, as there was a seasonal holiday party every month. Jane became Murs. Santa Claus, the Valentine Girl, the Easter Lady, a glamorous witch named Aunt Samantha - a different feminine role almost every month - and she became an accepted sight around the home.

Jane's letters to me became more upbeat. She became a contributor to the home's newsletter. And with her feminine side acknowledged, she actually choose to wear male attire with her service medals on Memorial day! I think she may have even smiled once in a while.

After losing contact with Jane for many years, I tried to track her down in the course of writing this story. I'm delighted to say that not only is she in fairly good helth at age 94, but she now dresses full time with the blessing of the veterans home staff and most of the other residents.

Alison Laing is a transgendered elder who is active with the International Foundatio nfor Gender Education (IFGE). She lives in Portsmouth, R.I. For information on IFGE, visit the group's website at www.ifge.org