They have sex with men. They have sex with women. Many people think that's the working definition of bisexual. It seems like these days more people are talking about their sleeping with both men and women, but fewer are actually calling themselves bi. Temenos turned to leaders of the Bisexual Community to give us their take on our three case studies.

CASE STUDY 1. 'LESBIAN AT FIRST SIGHT' ANNE HECHE

TEMENOS: In Wednesday night's interview with Barbara Walter's, Anne Heche says sex with Ellen was the best sex she ever had. Anne was a 'love at first site' lesbian with Ellen, and now identifies as a straight (and married woman). Was she ever bisexual?

MICHAEL: This falls in my "walks like a duck quacks like a duck" theory, and I think not only is she bisexual, she's ALWAYS been bisexual. She obviously doesn't like to use the B-word, and yet, everything she says and does is very bisexual. She doesn't care about a person's gender, she cares about the person, and that's bisexual. If only she knew the word!

ROBYN: First, I want to say something about your introduction. One of the greatest difficulties in talking about bisexuality is that identity and behavior are not the same things, yet the two are constantly being confused. Calling oneself bisexual is not synonymous with actively having sex with both men and women. Choosing to self-identify as bisexual is about choosing to recognize that you have the potential to be sexually attracted to people of more than one sex. I have self-identified as bisexual for 25 years and have not had sex with a man in almost 10 years. I've had attractions to one or two men during that time, but no sex. And that doesn't make me any less bisexual - it's just that I'm a bisexual woman partnered with a woman, and we have chosen a monogamous relationship. I'm not defined by what I do, I'm defined by what I feel.

Now, to answer your question: As I've said, there's a big difference between identity and behavior. Anne Heche's behavioral history is bisexual. As far as her identity is concerned: she's the only one who can answer that question. In fact, when Barbara Walters asked her if she is bisexual, she hesitated and then replied that she doesn't call herself bisexual and then she emphasized that she doesn't identify as gay or straight either.

TEMENOS: Sandra Bernhard predicted that Anne would 'go straight' shortly after she hooked up with Ellen. I quote:

"Gay men are different. If they've been straight and turn gay, they're gay, honey. But for chicks it's different, especially if they're in show business. Even when they're eating your pussy, they're still straight. I'm just looking out for Ellen. Believe me, I'm concerned for her. Because when the shit goes down, it's not gonna be pretty."

Sandra was right about Anne, but is she right about other women? Is bisexuality different for women?

MICHAEL: No, it's not different for women, except it's a lot easier for women to be Bisexual than men. Gosh, people still call Rupert Everett, David Geffen, Rock Hudson, James Dean, Jann Wenner, Eleanor Roosevelt, Gertrude Stein, Holly Near, Oscar Wilde (I could go on) GAY icons but the reality is that all of them have had opposite-sex attractions AND same-sex attractions, so that makes them BI-sexual. Sure, maybe they settled on one type of sexual situation for a majority of their lives, but the fact is that they've had attractions for BOTH genders, and therefore are Bi.

How sad that all of Rock Hudson's girl liaisons now feel idiots because they had great sex with the star? He wasn't only gay, and we can't forget that. Will Anne's sex with Ellen be merely a blip on her sexual experience chart and soon be forgotten? Oh come on! Unfortunately, the world is more forgiving with women, however, than with men in this.

ROBYN: Sandra Bernhard's comments annoy me. Why in the world does she think it's ok to be catty and bitchy - sorry, no offense meant to my four legged friends. I have been appalled by the behavior SOME people in the gay community -- from day one -- toward Anne Heche. NOBODY has the right to be mean to other people, or to trivialize their experiences. Grrr.... Now I'll take a deep breath and get back to your question: I'll disagree with Michael here and say that, Yes, I believe that, on average bisexuality IS different for women. Sexuality in general is different for women. Studies have shown that women are more likely to experience their sexual orientation as a fluid thing. Men are more likely to experience their sexualities as fixed and not subject to change. I don't agree with the way in which Sandra buys into the gay/straight either/or trap. There are more sexual orientations than just gay and straight. Some people are attracted to people of only one sex, but many of us have more varied attractions, either at the present time, or over the course of our lives.

CASE STUDY TWO: THE DOWN LOW BROTHER

Temenos: Kai Wright's recent article here at Temenos discussed a growing identity in the black community. Black brothers on the 'down low' may fool around with guys on the side, but keep up appearances and often girlfriends, in the straight world. Are these guys bisexual?

ROBYN: Behaviorally, yes. In terms of their identities, apparently not. But they're not gay or straight either. Their identity is something new, and probably varies a lot from person to person.

MICHAEL: This article was a fantastic insight into a growing issue in the communities of color, it's not only black issue, but a cultural issue in Latino communities and very common in Asian cultures as well. Of course, these people are bisexual, but they'd never identify with a community or movement. They are not "closet gay" folk as some people in the G&L community would want to embrace, because they also have successful sexual relationships with the opposite sex. What's sad is that these people feel trapped because they are not allowed to express themselves openly, and fear that if they do they will be labeled only as one way (gay), and never be able to have a successful heterosexual relationship again.

TEMENOS: Is the label bisexual primarily a 'white thing'?

ROBYN: This may be true to some extent. But then by this reasoning - all of these labels - gay, straight AND bisexual - are "white things." In a lot of other cultures outside the United States, and in some subcultures within the United States these words are not so meaningful. If you are a man in Mexico, for example, it is more important whether you are a top or a bottom (activo, pasivo) than whether you call yourself gay or bisexual or straight.

MICHAEL: Of course not, for the reasons stated above, but the B word is a particularly white, upper class, snob word, and that may be one of the reasons why people don't want to identify with it.

ROBYN: I don't see the 'B Word' as a white, upper class, snob word - at least not any more than the words 'gay' or 'lesbian.' I see it as a word that has gotten very, very bad press for a long time. People want things to be simple, to be either/or. Ideas like bisexuality threaten people's false sense of simplicity.

CASE STUDY THREE: NOT SO 'EX-GAY' JOHN PAULK

TEMENOS: By know, most of us know John Paulk's story. He was a drag queen who sometimes slept with guys. Then he turned 'straight' and married. But just a few month's ago, HRC staffer Wayne Besen spotted him hitting on guys in one of the sleaziest gay bars DC has to offer. This guy obviously bats for both teams. Doesn't that make him bisexual?

MICHAEL: Just because the guy isn't "doing it" all the time doesn't mean he's not bisexual. Certainly dear John is a bit mixed up with his orientation, as is all those people who are trying to "cure" themselves of same-sex attractions. Why can't they simply be considered monogamous bisexuals who choose (because of religious grounds) to not have same-sex sex. In all these discussions, the B-word is often forgotten (or conveniently ignored), because it throws a whole new dichotomy and argument into the situation. If Bisexuality were considered OK, then why couldn't people like Paulk not be "created" into heterosexuals, but instead be Bisexual? Once again, it's a misunderstanding of the term. Being Bisexual to most, is having sex with all sexes at the same time. That's not true. Simply acknowledging your attraction to either gender is enough to make you Bi.

ROBYN: Again, we need to make that distinction between identity and behavior. Behaviorally, John Paulk is obviously either gay or bisexual. In terms of his deep-down attractions - he's the only one who can answer that question. And the same goes for his identity.

TEMENOS: Speaking of HRC's Wayne Besen, both sides of the ex-gay debate don't seem to want to talk about bisexuality. Would our movement be stronger if bisexuals were part of the ex-gay debate?

ROBYN: Yes. That's a no-brainer.

MICHAEL: Many folk in the gay and lesbian movement fear bringing the B-word into the debate because people misunderstand it. My experience is that people in the G&L side misunderstand it more than in the hetero community. It's unfortunate that many people in the queer hierarchy still think of bisexuals as NOT being part of the community, but we are, and so our situations and experiences must also be part of the debate!

Robyn Ochs Editor, Bisexual Resource Guide , and Lecturer at Tufts University
ochs@bi.org
www.bi.org/~ochs